


and they were flatmates.

by coffeeshop_au



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:46:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22318051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeshop_au/pseuds/coffeeshop_au
Summary: Harry sleeps around and Louis honestly thinks he might be homophobic, because he just can't be okay with the thought of his best friend being with other men. He later realises it's because none of these men were him, and he wishes he could kiss Harry too.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 8
Kudos: 94





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> This plot is not an original idea, I based if off a thousand other fics I read with other ships. It's the classic "two friends live together, one is openly gay and the other one is 100% StraightTM, but gets unreasonably bothered every time his friend brings men home. He thinks he might be homophobic, only to later realise he also likes men- likes one man in particular.".

To call the situation Harry is in "complicated" would be… the fucking understatement of the century. He wonders if he's being dramatic, but he swears his head is going to explode. The confusion and absurdity of the whole thing is really starting to get to him, and he has no idea how to deal with it. It's not like there is a manual for having feelings for your straight best friend, who you live with, while being in a committed relationship with another man. You see, the thing is: this wasn't the plan. It was never supposed to go down like this.  
Him and Louis have known each other practically since birth, and have been inseparable for almost as long. They went to the same schools their whole lives, their mothers were close friends and even their sisters got along really well. From day one there was no one in Harry's life closer to him than Louis. So he figured it was only natural when he discovered he was in love with him.  
He was fourteen and it wasn't a groundbreaking revelation. They were lying in his bed in one of their sleepovers (which was to be expected, real best friends never sleep in separate beds), it was probably around 3 in the morning, and he was just listening to Louis vulnerably go on and on about his biggest dreams and fears when he felt something like a key turning in his head. And, just like that, that door was open. He really looked at Louis, probably for the first time ever, and just took everything in. "Oh, fuck, I love him" was all he could think for the whole night as they talked until sunrise. And it just felt right.  
Except that it was groundbreaking, in some ways. He didn't view Louis any differently, but it's like everything else had changed. Louis was still exactly the same person he had always been, Harry's best friend in the world, but everything else suddenly seemed dull in comparison. He couldn't really imagine being with someone else because he knew no one would make him feel as good, as understood, as Louis did. Sure, Louis was straight while Harry was gay, but neither thought that had any impact on their unbreakable bond. It was always going to be HarryAndLouis.  
Years later Harry did get a boyfriend, though. His name was Matt and he was older, already in uni. He was really caring and sweet. Beautiful, also. They started dating when Harry was in his last year of high school and Matt was in his second year at uni. It didn't really change anything between him and Louis, they were still inseparable, and Louis even approved of their relationship. He liked that Matt treated his best friend well. To say the least: Harry's romantic feelings for Matt were genuine, he didn't really have any towards Louis anymore, and everything was good.  
Now, Harry realises that has changed. He's four months into uni and lives with Louis. They had figured it made sense, since their parents' places were inconveniently far from uni and it had always been something they wanted to do, anyway. For a moment he had considered moving in with Matt but quickly changed his mind, their relationship just wasn't at that level yet. So, with Louis he is. Which, in retrospect, he should have predicted would fuck him up.  
He can't exactly pinpoint when, but he fell for Louis again. It was probably gradual, something to do with spending much more time with him than he does alone. Since they were kids, they saw each other almost every day. But never like this. Never so intimately, never for so many hours a day routinely. They obviously have separate bedrooms, but they sleep in the same bed at least once a week, usually friday nights when Matt works and Harry and Louis watch movies together in one of their laptops (usually Harry's). They are so close it was practically inevitable those old feelings Harry had would resurface.  
This realization, which Harry had a few weeks ago, was slowly changing things between him and Louis. Harry was drifting away from him without meaning to, spending more time at uni and at work than usual, not even noticing he was avoiding Louis a little bit. The one thing that is changing the most is his relationship with Matt, though.  
If he doesn't spend as much time with Louis as he used to, he practically doesn't spend any time with Matt at all. He knows it's not fair, and he has to break up with him, be honest and just rip the band-aid off. So that's what he's doing tonight. They have planned to have a lazy night in, have dinner and watch a movie, and he's going to break up with him.  
He's thinking of what to say and panicking the whole way there. On the back of his mind, a selfish part of him wonders if maybe it isn't better to just throw away the whole plan and be with Matt to try and forget his feelings for his best friend. Rationally, though, he knows he can't do that. He knows he couldn't bring himself to pretend and to treat someone he once honestly loved and still cares about so much as a replacement. Matt deserves better. Also, if he's truly going to get over Louis, the only way to really do it is alone.  
So, he texts Matt to open the door for him as soon as he parks his car, with renewed confidence. He's going to do it after dinner.  
And that's how it goes. They cook pasta, eat, Harry washes the dishes -because he's about to break that man's heart but he still has manners. It all feels weirdly natural, and Harry wonders if they could possibly be friends again someday. He hopes so. It's only when they sit on the sofa and Matt goes to grab the remote to turn the TV on, asking what Harry wants to watch, that he says:  
"Matt, I need to talk to you." It almost comes off as question, as if Harry is unsure, and Matt quickly turns his attention away from the remote, TV already on, to look in Harry's eyes. And he looks worried.  
"Okay." There's an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds, and Matt raises an eyebrow. "What is it, love?"  
"I.. Hm.. There's no nice way to…" Harry begins, looking anywhere other than Matt, and he genuinely can't find the words. Because there really is no nice way to do this, indeed.  
"What's wrong?" Okay. That's concern and a little bit of anger on Matt's voice. He can't make this harder than it needs to be, so he just looks at him and says what he needs to.  
"I think we should break up." Matt looks taken aback, he just freezes and doesn't say anything for a few seconds.  
"Okay." Sigh. "I figured there was something wrong, I've barely seen you recently. Didn't think it was that bad, though. Did I do something that bothered you?" He doesn't seem like he's really there, probably still taking it all in, and that worries Harry.  
"No, it wasn't you. It's… complicated." Is all he can say right now.  
"Can I know why?"  
"If you want to, of course. You deserve an explanation if you want one." He pauses, not being able to leave it at that, adding: "I know this sounds so shitty right know, but you're one of the most important people in my life and I hate that I'm hurting you. I just want to make this as easy for you as I can.". Which pisses Matt off.  
"Yeah, no shit, Harry. Of course you're hurting me. I'm allowed to get pissed. Get off your fucking high horse and tell me what the hell is going on." Matt says, not shouting, because he's not the kind of person to scream when angry, only as shortly and bitterly as he can. He still has a tear running down his face.  
"Okay." Sigh. "I realized I developed feelings for someone else." He says the last part in a lower volume and faster than necessary, not wanting to say it at all. Wishing it wasn't true.  
"What?" Now Matt really looks surprised, and a bit more angry. "When?"  
"Recently. Last few weeks, probably. I swear I tried not to."  
"It's Louis, isn't it?" Harry has no idea how he put two and two together, but he looks down and doesn't answer, which Matt takes as enough of a response. "I figured it would be." He says, angrily, and then takes a breath to calm down a bit, figuring being that mad wouldn't be helpful. "You've always been… close. In the beginning I felt really jealous, you know? Tried to convince myself it wasn't anything serious, and it worked, after a while. I should have seen it coming, though." Harry doesn't know what to say, because he's not wrong, so he doesn't speak. "Just… I need to know… Did you sleep with him?" He sounds genuinely hurt by the thought, and Harry is shocked because it made no sense.  
"What? Of course not."  
"You swear?"  
"Yeah!" He almost shouts, and then lowers his voice again. "I mean, he's straight, and even if he wasn't… even if he wanted to… I wouldn't. Not while I was with you. He also would never, by the way. Not with anyone in a relationship, but specially never to you. He considers you his friend. He likes us together."  
"Okay. I trust you." Matt knows he should leave it at that, leave Harry to deal with his mess on his own, but in some sadistic impulse he asks: "It's not mutual, then?"  
"No, he's…" He pauses, as if he just now realizes how fucked he is. "Straight." And then he's confused, and a bit mad. "Why is that so hard to believe, by the way?"  
"Harry…" And Matt really can't find the words, because he's really hurt and pissed, but he needs to put that aside and say what Harry needs to hear. "This is shit and it's killing me so I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't want you to be the happiest you can be, if I didn't - to some extent- like the idea of you two together. It's just- God, I hate this."  
"What? Where is this going?"  
"I don't think he is, Harry. I don't think he knows it yet, but I honestly believe he likes you too." He blurts out, and now Harry is really shocked, because there's just no way that could possibly be right. He's always known Matt to be absurdly perceptive and the best at reading people, but he has to be wrong on this one. "I think maybe he could make you happier than I ever did." He finishes, in the lowest volume he can, maybe hoping Harry doesn't hear him. He does.  
"Hey, shh…" Harry rushes, hugging him. "You did make me really happy, you know?"  
"Not any-fucking-more, though, right?" Matt almost hisses, trying to escape the hug. Harry doesn't let him.  
"Matt, stop." he runs a hand through his ex-boyfriend's hair. "Also, about Louis… No… No. I have known him my whole life, he's straight. If it makes you feel any better, I'm going to go through absolute hell too." And, suddenly, Harry's also crying. He hates everything.  
"Honey, I know it's hard, just… Trust me on this one, okay? I kind of hate you right now but let this advice be the last thing I do for you. Wait until he realizes, but not too much, and then go for it." That's way too much for Harry, and he can't deal with it.  
"I still don't believe you, but okay."  
From then on, it's tears and goodbyes and Harry's on his way home. Crying, because it's never been more clear that he's gone for someone who could never possibly like him back. And he loves that person enough to have to throw away a good relationship. It's a mess.  
When he gets home, Louis shoots him a "Hey!" from the couch, not realising Harry has puffy eyes and red cheeks and nose until after he's greeted him. He tries to say something, but Harry stops him before he can.  
"Don't ask, please." He says, already walking to his bedroom. "I need to be alone. Talk to you tomorrow." And doesn't even give Louis a chance to reply.  
Louis, the angel he is, waits a few minutes and gets a bowl of ice cream from the freezer to take to Harry's room, saying from the door "Hey, I know you don't want me here but…" He pauses. "I couldn't see you like this and do nothing, so I brought you a little comfort ice cream." He sounds so unsure, like he's scared he's pushing a boundary, and Harry's heart absolutely melts at that. He starts crying again, because he's really emotional today, and says:  
"Stay, please. Let's share the ice cream. I'm not feeling my best, can you just… sleep here tonight?"  
Louis would never say no to that. So he stays. They eat the ice cream in silence, because that's what Harry needs, and at one point he blurts out an "I broke up with Matt. Please don't make me explain more than that.". He genuinely thinks he couldn't.  
"I would never ask you to tell me more than you're ready to. You know that, right?" Louis asks, but he doesn't understand. Why would Harry break up with Matt if he knew he was going to be sad about it? It didn't make much sense. They sleep cuddling, but Harry has never felt more detached from Louis.


	2. II

After the breakup, Harry is a mess. He keeps straying further from Louis and, even if it's his own fault, he misses him like hell. The night it happens is the last time they sleep in the same bed. They still watch movies together almost once a week and they still go grocery shopping and drive to uni together, but it's just… Not the same. They're still the closest people to each other, but it's not half as much as it used to be.   
It's a little tense, as if they don't know how to act when they're together. As if they're avoiding something. Which they are. It's nothing really definitive or bothersome enough for them to actually have a conversation about, but everything just feels off enough for them to prefer spending time alone than together. And Harry has never felt so guilty.   
Louis can only assume it has something to do with the breakup, but he's beyond confused. He believes it might just be that Harry needs some time to find himself again, that maybe he's just a bit distant from everyone, even from himself, from reality itself. He thinks that maybe it fucked him up more than expected, since he knows Harry was the one to call things off- but that's all he knows. Harry hasn't even mentioned Matt once since that night. They talk all the time, but they never really speak, and he's going absolutely insane worrying about Harry. He doesn't know how to, but the only thing he wants to do is help him. He just wishes Harry would let him in, and that's the state things have been in for about a week after the breakup.  
And then, that's the first time Harry brings someone home. They go to a club with some friends from uni, and hours later when Louis announces he was going home, Harry asks if it would be okay for him to stay longer, since he's having fun. Louis shoots a "sure" and a "see you at home" and goes, a bit hurt. Maybe he's reading too much into it, but it's strange behaviour, Harry had never wanted to go home without him before. It's okay, though. Harry can do whatever he wants. Louis' cool with it. For sure.   
That is, until it's about 5 AM and he hears the lock turning. Harry is home. And he has company, Louis thinks, hearing another male voice in the hallway. He hears Harry's bedroom door open and close and that's enough to make Louis' mood go sour, really. He feels unreasonably hurt by knowing Harry's having sex in that room right now.  
And that sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach doesn't go away. It doesn't go away the next morning when he leaves his room and sees Harry kissing Mr. Whatever His Name Is as they make breakfast, it doesn't go away for the whole day- not even at night when they're playing Mario Kart and eating pizza- and it sure as fuck doesn't go away when Harry does it again. And again. And again.  
Now it's been a whole month since the first time and it's become recurrent. Every week, Harry goes out and picks someone up. And every week Louis gets inexplicably bothered by it. At first, they repeated the routine of the first time and Louis went with Harry, only to come back hours earlier than him. But, after a couple times, Louis just gave up. Harry would ask him if he wanted to go clubbing and he would just say "Nah, I'm good. You go, though, have fun for me."   
He wonders if it's because it's always men, if he wouldn't mind if Harry was bi or straight and picked up women. He thinks back and remembers that, when Harry was with Matt, he wasn't the biggest fan of seeing them do couple-y things either. Sure, he liked the guy a lot, but his intimacy with Harry always bothered him a little bit, in the back of his mind. And it's not like he doesn't support gay rights, he knows people should be allowed to love whoever they love, but homophobia doesn't have to be just outright disapproval, right? He remembers reading something along these lines on Twitter the other day. That if you view homosexual intimacy and love any differently than heterosexuality, then you're homophobic. And he's never been bothered by any heterosexual couple the way he is by Harry and any of the men he slept with in the past month. Therefore, he figures, he can only be homophobic.   
Which makes him feel like absolute shit, of course. He tries to think really hard about sexuality to undo his bias, but it doesn't matter how many times he tries to make the thought of Harry and a man not bother him, it just doesn't work. What makes even less sense is that, about a week after he's had that realization, he leaves his bedroom in the morning to -yet again- the view of Harry making out with someone in their kitchen, without even realising he's there. Only, this time he doesn't look away. He thinks that looking might help him be okay with it, and it does. Too much, even. He's weirdly mesmerised by the way Harry is kissing whoever that man is and, without meaning to, he catches himself wondering "Why is that hot?". It's just a freudian slip in form of a thought, but it makes him panic. He turns around and gets in his room again, accidentally banging the door. Harry has to have heard that.  
He grabs his computer because he just has to prove to himself that that was nothing. He's probably just horny. It's been a while since he slept with someone, or even had a good wank, for the last time. He anxiously types "pornhub" on the search bar, clicks on the suggested url, and waits for it to load. But, the thing is, he's watching straight porn (obviously) but he catches himself looking at the guy. Like, a lot. At one point he almost forgets the girl is there at all. And maybe it has something to do with the fact that the actor kind of looks like Harry and that's weird, but if that was the case, he should be at least a little bit repulsed by it- it shouldn't be turning him on. It shouldn't have given him the best orgasm he's had in a while.  
After that, he's really going crazy. He's properly avoiding Harry and trying his best to think about anything but him or what his wank session the other day might mean. He succeeds, for a few days, and then he just fucking can't anymore. He feels so sick and shitty and confused because he jerked off to someone who looked a lot like his childhood best friend, and he feels even worse about the fact that they're not even speaking. He swears he's going to fix that, but first he needs to prove to himself that he really doesn't like men. He's going to prove it doesn't turn him on. He goes on pornhub again, this time on the gay session. Fifteen minutes later he thinks to himself that he was absolutely wrong, because it did turn him on and he did cum really hard watching a man give a blowjob, but it's not just that. He's fucked. He's utterly and properly fucked. He can't even begin to think about what it means that Harry's face was the image his mind came up with when he was that close. He had literal porn playing but thinking of Harry's face, Harry's lips, was what got him there. He refuses to think about it because… No. Just, no. It can't be. He's sure if he ignores it, it will go away. He can't be into someone who is currently trying every coping mechanism known to man to get over a breakup.  
Over the next month or so, Louis tries it a few more times just to confirm his newfound suspicion-that the idea of gay sex does turn him on. He likes men as well as women now, and he has come to almost accept it. There's no point fighting it, he figures. And he and Harry are slowly getting back to normal, so that's good too. Still, he refuses to think about his weird obsession with thinking about Harry during his wanks, and he refuses to think about his sudden urge to be close to him at all times. He wants to get back to normal, and that's all. His brain can't even fathom the idea of forming sentences like "I might have a crush on Harry" or "Harry is really fucking hot" or "I wish Harry was sucking me off, wish it was him touching me right now". Not even when it gets harder and harder to look away when he sees Harry kissing some random man, when it gets harder to not freak out about it. Besides, he hasn't told anyone he likes men yet. Not even Zayn, his closest friend beside Harry, and least of all Harry himself. He's just not ready for that.  
One evening, something happens that changes the course of his journey to self-acceptance, though.  
It's a thursday night, and when he opens the door to their apartment and looks at the couch he sees Harry on top of a guy he swears he remembers from a few weeks ago, making out with him. He doesn't say anything, it's just really uncomfortable eye contact for about ten seconds and then Louis walks to his room so fast it almost classifies as running. He bangs the door.  
Harry and Luke are baffled for a few moments, not really knowing what to say to each other, now that the atmosphere is tense. The mood has never been killed this fast.  
"Are you two together or something?" Luke asks, feeling guilty that what they were doing might qualify as cheating.  
"What? No." Harry sounds genuinely confused. He gets off Luke's lap to sit beside him. "It's just… I don't know. He's my best friend but these days I can't understand him, most of the time." He says, really fast. "He makes no sense."   
"You should talk to him, then."  
"You think so?"  
"I mean, if he's your best friend…"  
"Right, yeah."  
"Should I go?"  
"Yep, probably."   
"Okay, then." And he's getting up from the sofa to go to the door, which is still unlocked.  
"See you around!" Harry shoots, from the couch.  
"Sure, good luck."   
After the most awkward interaction of his entire life ends and Luke shuts the door, Harry goes straight to Louis' bedroom. He knocks and says:  
"Lou, can I talk to you?"  
"No." Is all he gets in response.   
"Come on, please!" He tries to open the door, but it's locked. "Let me in, Lou."   
Louis feels so hurt and he isn't even sure why. It doesn't help that Harry is using a pet name to try and get to him. So he just says: "I won't.". And Harry is pissed.  
"Why? Are you seriously avoiding me right now?"  
"Guess I am!" Louis shouts.   
"What the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you treat me like that every single time I'm with someone and then just ignore me?" Harry has had enough, he doesn't know why he hasn't said it all this during the past few months. "Why do you not accept me liking men?" There. He said it. He's been suspecting this for a while, and Louis' lack of response confirms it. He's destroyed now. Not even angry anymore, just hurt. He just sits on the floor outside Louis' door, his back against it. "Why now, Lou? You liked Matt." He's not shouting, he's crying and talking just loudly enough for Louis to hear him. "Please, open up. Please. Talk to me."  
He can hear Louis walking towards the door and turning the key, so he stands up to get in the room. It confuses him when Louis walks out of it instead of letting him in and says "I'm sorry, I just… Can't. Not now." before walking to the front door and out of it.   
Harry feels betrayed. He can't believe his best friend would act this way. He thinks about how angry he is that Louis is weirdly moody anytime he brings someone over or mentions boys, sometimes even clearly avoiding him. About how he can't stop doing it, though. It's the only way he can find of forgetting Louis for a few minutes. It was never his intention to make Louis this mad. He never knew Louis would get all homophobic on him. Because that's the only explanation, right? Louis doesn't like the idea of him kissing all these men because he doesn't like the idea of two men kissing at all. That thought really fucks him up, that he's in love with a man who doesn't accept him. He gets in Louis' bedroom, lies on his bed and just cries for God knows how long. He cries because he wishes he could just not love Louis, wishes they could just pretend Harry doesn't bring men over all the time, and because he feels dirty. He feels cheap. He wishes he didn't sleep with that many men at all. He doesn't even realize when he drifted to sleep, exhausted from crying, still in Louis' bed and surrounded by his smell. It all feels so bittersweet.


	3. III

Louis hadn't planned where he was going when he left their apartment. He just knew he had to get out. He had to think properly, to come to terms with some truths, before he could talk to Harry- and he sure as fuck wasn't going to be able to do that within a mile radius from him.   
So that's how he finds himself in a diner near their place, just doing some self reflection. About how much of a dick he had been and how badly he must have hurt Harry by leaving him crying. God, Harry actually thinks he's homophobic… That must really make him question their friendship. The worst part of it all is that he knows Harry isn't in a really good place mentally and he needs a friend. Louis wishes it could be him, because he honestly just wants to help. He can see the irony in wanting to help someone after you've hurt them, but he can't be too bothered by it because it's true. He needs to know his best friend is going to be okay. And right now he also needs a bit of advice, which is why he calls Zayn as soon as he finishes his coffee.  
"Tommo?" Zayn asks, on the other end of the line.  
"Hey, dude!" Great, the call has just started and it's already awkward.  
"You okay, mate? Need anything?" He must have realised something is off.   
"Actually… Yeah. Can I stay at yours tonight?"  
"Sure. Why, though? Did something happen?"  
"Me and Harry… Had… sort of a fight."  
"Shit, man. He did tell me things were a bit weird between you two, but I didn't expect you to actually fight."  
"What? He talked to you about us?" He doesn't understand why Harry would do that.  
"Yeah… Does that shock you?"  
"I mean, kinda."  
"Got it. We'll talk when you're here, then."   
"'Course, yeah. On my way."  
He spends the entirety of his drive wondering what Harry could have possibly told Zayn. He was now properly curious to hear his side of the story. Not from him, though. From Zayn.  
When he gets there, they sit on Zayn's couch, each of them lights a cigarette and he asks Zayn what Harry told him.  
"Not so fast, my dude. Tell me what happened first." Louis raises his eyebrow at that. "He told me some really personal shit, I don't want to say anything that you don't already know."  
"Ok, makes sense." He wonders where to begin. "It's just… Things have been really tense. He hasn't been himself, ever since he broke up with Matt. At first it was avoiding me, and then it was sleeping with so many men I can't even keep track. He must be really heartbroken, I guess- which I also don't understand, it's not like Matt left him." Zayn interrupts his rambling to ask:  
"Hm… And you think Matt's the only thing that has been fucking with his head?"   
"What does that even mean, man? How am I supposed to know? He doesn't talk to me anymore."  
"Think, dude." He says, understanding that Louis knows nothing of what Harry told him, and Louis doesn't have an answer for that. "Right, so. From what he told me, you've been acting weird with him too. I get the feeling that both of you are avoiding talking about things."  
"I know I am, but why would he be? I don't know what he would feel the need to hide from me."  
"I love you but you can be so dense sometimes, Tommo. So fucking dense."  
"What?"  
"Nothing." Louis feels like he isn't going to get any more out of him than that, so he doesn't even try. "What are you keeping from him?"  
"I, maybe…" Oh, well, here's what he's been avoiding. Basically, what he came here to deal with tonight. "I might be bisexual." He hurries over the words and Zayn almost thinks he heard it wrong.   
"What?"  
"I like men, Zayn."   
"Okay." He looks honestly speechless. "I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me, and, for the record: you're always my brother. This doesn't change anything, okay?" Zayn has no idea why that bit of acceptance makes him so emotional, but it does. And, now that he realises how important it is, he feels like the worst person on Earth knowing that Harry felt the opposite of that with him. "Does he know?"  
"He doesn't."  
"Why?"  
"It's… complicated." He pauses, and then, for the second time tonight, says something he's been dreading. "I might like him."  
"Bro, you need to talk to him." Zayn says, hurriedly, like it's urgent.  
"Why?"  
"You just do." And then Zayn realises that a part of the story was still missing. "Wait, what did you do today? Why did you fight?"  
"I… Hm… I came home tonight and saw him kissing a guy, so I was all weird about it and ran straight to my bedroom."  
"You were jealous?"  
"... Maybe." There's no point denying it, is there? "Okay. Yeah. And then he basically kicked the guy out so he could talk to me, but I had locked my door because I just couldn't." He pauses. "He was… bad, Zayn."  
"Was he mad at you?"   
"Proper pissed." Sigh. "He thinks I'm homophobic." Zayn can't help but laugh at the absurdity of that.   
"How the fuck did you manage to make him think that?"   
"By acting all awkward and moody when it comes to him and other men! Honestly, I get so weirded out thinking about it that even I believed I was homophobic for a while."  
"Wait, wait. I promise I'll help, but first let me get this straight: you're so jealous and in denial that you made the man you have a crush on AND yourself believe you're homophobic?"  
"Something along those lines, yes."  
"God, you two are so ridiculous. Please tell me he doesn't still believe that." Louis feels so embarrassed he doesn't even answer. "Tommo? You didn't leave him there thinking you disapprove of his sexuality, did you?"  
"I know it's shit but I did… What was I even supposed to say? I couldn't just go 'Hey, Harry, sorry I' ve been all fucked up- promise I'm not homophobic, just in love with you!', could I?" He doesn't realise until after he said it that it's true. He's in love with Harry.  
"You could, though."  
"He hates me, Zayn. And he still likes Matt."   
"Man… He really, really, doesn't. Trust me."   
"Doesn't hate me or doesn't like Matt?"  
"Neither."  
"How would you know that?"  
"Just… talk to him, yeah?"  
"I can't, man. I'm a fucking coward."   
"Fucking hell, mate. He's gonna kill me for this, but do you know why he broke up with Matt?"  
"Like I said, he doesn't talk to me."  
"It was because he likes you." Okay, now Louis is completely speechless. "It isn't him he is trying to get over, Lou. It's you."  
"Oh, no. You've got to be kidding me." He pauses, waiting for Zayn to say it was a joke. Which he doesn't. "I fucked up, didn't I? I really hurt him."  
"You did, yeah. How are you going to fix it?"  
"I've… Gotta talk to him, haven't I?"  
"Correct. Tomorrow, though. Now it's late and neither of you are in a condition to have a talk."  
"Right, yeah. I just have to be near him, though."   
"Okay. You going home, then?"  
"Yeah."  
They say their goodbyes and Louis is on his way.  
When he gets there, he finds Harry on his bed and it crushes him. He can't believe he could hurt this little angel so badly. Hates himself for it. He just has to comfort him in some way, so he lays next to him, in his outside clothes and all, and cuddles him. That startles Harry and he wakes up, but doesn't move from Louis' comfortable embrace.   
"Lou? What are you-"  
"Harry, I'm so, so, sorry for leaving." He has to say, he couldn't sleep without letting Harry know that.  
"It's okay."   
"It's not, love. I'll explain it tomorrow, though." He feels like he should add: "I was with Zayn. He told me." Harry gets what he means by that, and for a moment lets himself pretend that this means it's okay. He has no idea, but he can only hope that Louis wouldn't be hugging him if he wasn't okay with the fact that Harry likes him. They can talk about that tomorrow, though. But there's one thing Harry needs to be sure of.  
"Just, please tell me you don't… Not accept me." Harry asks, in that small voice, and he sounds like he might cry again. It physically makes Louis' chest ache, knowing that he was the one who caused this. "Please? I need to hear it."   
"Of course I accept your sexuality. More than that, I love you. Everything about you."  
"M'kay." He sounds relieved, even if really sleepy.  
"Do you hate me now?"  
"Never. Love you too."  
And Louis presses a kiss to the back of Harry's head and they drift to sleep, cuddled again. After so long.  
When he wakes up and finds Harry still cuddled in his chest, he could swear it's going to be okay. It has to be. He just takes the opportunity to really look at Harry, to watch him sleep for a while, admiring every detail about his face and holding back the urge to kiss him.  
"Perv." Harry teases as soon as he wakes up. Louis laughs and tells him to shut up.   
"I'm so glad you're here."  
"Me too. The past few months have been hell, I miss you so much."  
"Miss you more." and Harry squeezes Louis tighter, resting his head on the crook of his neck.  
"Harry, I have something I need to tell you. Two things, actually."  
"Good news and bad news?" Harry asks, apprehensive.  
"Good news and better news, I hope. But that's up to you."  
"Okay, shoot."  
"First off… I'm bi." Harry moves his head from Louis' shoulder and looks at him, but waits for him to continue. "When you thought I was judging you, I was actually just trying to come to terms with things on my own. That's why the thought of gay sex made me so uncomfortable."  
"When did you realize?"   
"Beginning of this month. Do you remember that day you were making out with someone in our kitchen and I saw it and slammed a door?"   
"I do remember, actually. That was rude."  
"Sorry, it's just… It was then that I realised I wished it was me." He says the last part quietly, and looks in Harry's eyes. They look bright and hopeful.   
"Wished it was you kissing a man?"  
"Kissing you, Harry."  
"Please don't say that if you're not sure you mean it." He seems scared.  
"I do mean it. That's the other thing, by the way. I like you." Harry doesn't know what to say. "Is that good news?"  
"Maybe. Is it good news that I'm in love with you?"  
"That's the best news, love." He kisses Harry's lips, short and sweet. "I love you."   
"You have no idea how good that is to hear."  
"Since when do you know?" Louis asks, because he needs to know.  
"Since we were fourteen."  
"Really?"   
"Yes! I mean, after I met Matt I stopped, but it came back full force when we moved here… Is that too much?"   
"No, I've probably been in love with you since we were teens too. If not longer. I just hadn't realised." He pauses. "When I noticed that I love you, I noticed I never really liked Matt, by the way."  
"Yeah? Were you jealous?" Harry teases.  
"I mean, yeah. I liked him as a person, just never with you, you know what I mean?" He kisses Harry again. "I want you for myself. Can't stop thinking about how much I hurt you these past few months, though."  
"You did, yeah. And I also hurt you so much, by not talking to you. I was terrified of being in love with a straight man- a straight men who had something against me being gay, I believed. It sucked really bad. But it's going to be alright, isn't it? You have me."  
"Do I?"  
"If you want me…" Louis just has to kiss him. So he does, and it's their first proper kiss. It's long, slow and sensual.  
"I do want you. So much, you have no idea."


End file.
